Are you looking forward to the new school year? There is a comical ad on television for "back to school". Which features a father with two children,in the background you hear "It's the most wonderful time of the year" being sung. The children are just pouty faced and the dad...well..he is full of glee...he pushes the cart kicking up his heels, with a big grin on his face. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9ZgH4AtdUY Get the picture...most parents simply cannot wait for school to begin after summer break. Their children get on their nerves, the children are bored, the children.... notice it is all about the children. (But that is for another post)
My question is, do you share the "staples dad's glee?" Let me rephrase that, are you full of glee at the start of a new school year because you can get your rugrat kids out of your hair, or is it the thought of a fresh start that brings a smile to your face?
Are you dreading the new school year because of past struggles, problems, or you hate homeschooling your children but are too ashamed or embarrassed to admit it to anyone? Maybe you can't even admit it to yourself.
To be perfectly honest, I have had years that I dreaded a new school DAY, forget the whole cotton-picking year! One day at a time was too much for me. I share your pain.
I dreaded school days, months, and yes, even years, because I KNEW everyday was going to be a battle. A battle to get up, to finish chores, to fix, eat and clean up a simple breakfast, to settle into our lessons, to quietly .... Do you get the idea? I KNOW the struggles. Like I said, I have been homeschooling a LONG time...we began in 1990...19 yrs ago....makes me sound and feel quite old...but I have the experience. Did I mention that I dreaded the paperwork, planning, and pretending it was all joy?
Yes dear homeschool moms and dads, I know the pain of beginning a new homeschool year.
You can't count on all your fingers and toes the times I wanted to quit...and that is just in a weeks time! Ok, maybe that is an exageration, but it is not easy, and I did want to give up.
Notice I said I. What held me back? It wasn't what, it was Who? The LORD held me back. He reminded me that He was the One who led us to homeschool, and that anything short of that would be living in disobedience to Him. Talk about a nudge! I've seen alot of folks choose disobedience, and the result is not pretty. Enough fear of God and His chastening had been instilled in me that I didn't have the guts to risk quitting.
The change for me, from dread to anticipation, came gradually. As we continued to battle out everyday and I wanted to pull my hair out, and scream, and cry, and feel like a failure, and fret that my children would hate me, and ... I started to cry out to God for help. I'd reached the end of my rope.
Another big prod from God: my friend and I have sons nearly the same age, both struggling academically, and one week she threw her hands up, literally, and told me she'd given up on J. Now I wonder what sort of expression met her eyes when she looked at me again. In my heart, I just felt so bad for her son. The LORD brought to mind all the times I wanted to quit and hadn't, not outwardly anyway, with my oldest son in particular. That day was a turning point for our homeschool, for me as a mother. I repented before the LORD, but spoke not a word to anyone else. The transformation in my son, and his attitude towards school, gradually changed for the better. It was amazing, and reminded me of how many articles I'd read when my children were infants stating that a moms emotional state could affect her baby. I believe our attitude affects our children. They feel our disappointmet, frustration...even if we are hiding it, or think we are. This is evident by the turn about in my son.
Graduation was another poke. It reminded me, clearly, that homeschooling is only a season of my life. One day, if the LORD tarries, my last child will graduate, and homeschooling will be done, forever. (Unless my children make good on their promise to bring my grands home for me to school) God was saying to me WAKE UP..ok He was shouting at me. W A K E U P!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reality hit me....life is fleeting! My days having my children at home are numbered.
This ended up making me sad, and I sat around crying about the fact that I only had this many years of homeschooling left. Really. It almost crippled me, thinking about what it will be like to wake up and not have my children here, and to not have to homeschool.
Exactly when I stopped dreading school and began to anticipate it with happy thoughts, is unclear. I can't point to the calendar and say on this day, month and year, it all changed. It was a process. It required me to forget the day before if it was a rough one, and rejoice that God's tender mercies are new every morning. And if His could be new everyday, then surely I could start each school day fresh. We could begin again. Believe me we had to BEGIN AGAIN lots of times.
My children still have times when they make me want to pull my hair out, or scream, or quit...but OVERALL, those times are fewer and farther between as the weeks turn into months.
Though I don't look forward to the time when homeschooling ends for us, forever, I anticipate each day and each school year as a new start, as a chance for us to redo our mistakes and move forward.
I want my children to look back and Praise God for being homeschooled, and have happy memories of many hours spent with their mother, who lovingly, and joyfully schooled them.
My answer to the title "Anticipation or Dread?" is Anticipation.
What is yours?
